MATURITY AND PERSONAL GROWTH

I have written that I believe that maturity is the ability to endure uncertainty. Let me here define this term.

Maturity, I used to think, meant becoming 18. And when I became 18, I was just as immature as ever! Now, listen, I am speaking (writing) from the perspective of my current age, which is 58.

The next level of maturity should have come at the age of 21. But something else happened. Whatever else my maturity level might have become, at that age, my mindset was definitely framed around partying and getting stoned all the time. I lived a life of "debauchery", you might say. Yet, I had the temerity to know the value of a job and paying my bills. I knew that I would not like living on the streets.

After the age of 21, what is the next level of maturity? I absolutely knew, that when I was 13, I knew more than my mom & dad and everybody else older than me. And at 17, I knew the same thing. And at 21, I knew it then, too. When I was 30, I knew it. Knew that I was wiser than wise.

Maturity involves growth. Personal, deeply abiding growth. Growth which is painful, yet invigorating because of the freedom it brings. Not from people- but from self. And from the selfishness which had always defined me. Maybe it still does. I need to acknowledge that maybe I am still maturing.

Maturity is the ability to endure the uncertainties of life and living. To endure pain, suffering, calamity without falling emotionally apart. The ability to endure the pleasures, happiness, and all the positive aspects of growing emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.

Maturity is the ability to endure sorrow, heartache, heartbreak and loss. Maturity means that one has the courage, under fire, to go on... to continue to move... forward, onward and upward. It means that loss and sorrow and heartache does not keep me from continuing to live a productive life or cluttering and stopping traffic in the aisles or highways of life and living. I will go on! I must! I cannot stop living. Purpose fills my heart and mind, and there are reasons for me to go onward. Love for others is one of these! My love for God is the first and formost, for He gave me the mindset to discover that I am only one person in the whole scheme of things- and I am an important part of the machinery. Whether any one else recognizes that or not.

I'm not as mature as I want to be. I still have some selfish inclinations which hold me back from leaping certain hurdles in life.

To endure uncertainty... means to have the mindset, that no matter what, I must remain strong because I may be someone whom others are looking at and wondering if I am the example they should be following. And when no one is looking, what I am doing or being or thinking, is still important enough to warrant thinking about. Maybe no one sees me. This is where the conscience comes into play...

Conscience and maturity are things what happen when the lights go out. They are what happens when the earthquake happens. Or other natural catastrophes- of the emotional type or in the physical elements around us. Maybe the basement floods. Or a flood washes away our home. Maybe a fire burns our home, destroying everything. Or a tornado, or one of a dozen other kinds of disasters. Do we take these things in stride? Or do we fall apart and cry and withdraw? Do we stand or fall? Can others lean on us and depend upon us- or do we need to lean on and depend upon others?

Maturity isn't something that happens all at once and then that's all. Maturity isn't someone we know and are sure of. Not our mother or father, not a grandparent or some other important figue in our lives. They were never, are not fully at the apex of maturity.

They were growing and changing. My parents were mature- but still maturing. Maturing does not stop at a magical number, not at a mathematical point or fixture.

I see maturity sometimes in a child, who seems to have a wisdom beyond belief! But that doesn't make their experience and maturity a fixed position. There is still years more for that child to live and mature and grow.

And sometimes I see maturity in a young teenager... yet, I know that I don't see the whole picture. Maturity happens in different levels in our lives. We all experience something different and life's ladders & stairs present differing stages of growth in all people.

The vortex in maturity does not coincide with wisdom. A person can seem mature and discerning... and yet be lacking in some particular wisdom. Wisdom, too, like maturity, does not just happen all at once. We have all heard someone say, "He's wise beyond his years." This is never all-encompassing.

As I mature, I find that what I must endure in life is not all-encompassing. Loss of a loved one is not the end of my life. It is a shock and a set-back. Nothing ends life until the breath completely expires! Death is pretty final.

To lose someone I do not want. I lost my dad recently. It is completely devastating and demoralizing. But when one is experiencing some measure of maturity, then such loss doesn't destroy our sense of being. That loss will heighten our sense of self, and even in grief, we grow. We find God. We give in, not to despair but to the knowledge that this, too, is part of our growth.

Individuality comes when we have found out that the world doesn't end or didn't end when someone passed away or moved far away.

Maturity is not selfish. Personal growth is not selfish. It includes others. They may not be going through that growth process which you are or I am- but they are a part of mine and are a part of my life. For better or worse, or for right or wrong.

I descended the ladder to the stairways and on down into the corridors which finally reached down into hell. It scared me. I ran and climbed all the way back to the top.

I long to mature.